I love God,He w…

I love God,He will bloody your nose,and then give you a ride home on His bike……..Thanks God for showing us love.



I am always so excited when i get a break through in my life.I realize that i get so worked up about our govement the irs all of it.But you know this is what God has showed me.We realy should not depend on the goverment the irs or any of them.I am not saying that we should let them get by with things if they scew up.But God wants us to depend on him that is the whole thing.we get so caught up in all the laws and how we are being mistreated how we have all the answers.Clearly we do not.But God does………This is another thing I worry all the time about being happy and showing it when i am out and about.Wait there is nothing wrong with that.But i think if we are happy all the time then we have no heart for people or there hurts.We also think that things make us happy and they do.But that i snot the happy god wants from us.He wants us to pray for discerment and help when we see people in need…………..Which brings me to my subject,compassion.Compassion does mean-come hurt with me.I realize that i want to help people but feel there pain,do i want to get that close to there problems.Should we just do what we know is right? Yes we should,and this is waht God showed me about this………Compassion means come and love me because i am being beat at home.Come and hurt with me my husband is on drugs and i do not know where i will end up.Come ansd hurt with me i am a drug addict i have destroyed my famalies life.Come and help me i never got any direction in my life.I do not know how to live normaly.Come hurt with me and do not give up if it takes me longer than a week or a month to change to what you think that i should be.Come and hurt with me while i am getting use to being pregnant at ssixteen,or help me decide do i need to get an abortion.Come and hurt with me because i have never heard of God.Come and hurt with me i get my love from guys i never had a Dad.Come and help me my mom gave me away…..If this is what compassion would be,and it is.Wow when i look at ti like that i get this pain in my gut and my heart.I am tired of failing i am tired of not working here now like i should…..I am glad that God loves me enough that he is not going to let me slide. That is who we all need on our side.He wants to guide us and show us the way.



I have such a hard time hearing all the news about fighting and killing.I realize there will always be war.I know it has been going on since the beginning of time.It is what it is.What i do not understand is the way that a veteran is treated when they return home form fighting.My dad was in the second world war,My uncle Andrew died at war.My brother went to Vietnam and got injured once or twice.I also had brother that served but never had to fight……………………..I remember my dad talking about how hard it was to be there fighting wet and nasty scared afraid and a long way from home.I see and hear so much about lives that are changed for ever because of fighting.All our lives we are told to not kill to follow the law and do not deviate from it.Then we send twenty year old kids to a war zone and say ok this is our enemy kill them or be killed.Your protecting your country.But when the war is over and by the graace of god these kids get to come home they are put back into regular society,and expected to live the old life.But what we fell to think about,or i feel is this is not no where near the person that left to go fight.We cannot leave them hanging without any help when they come home. We have to treat them as different people because they are.One evaluation will not determine if they can enter society and function normal………………………….I am so grateful for people like Gary Senise he works so hard to help.I pray Gods blessings over his life………………I am making a plea that we all unite and pray for all the young men and ladies.They need us………………………This country spends so much money on stuff that is just not important.We have to depend on war to survive at times……………………………..Personaly i do not care if some one els lives on another planet.We need to help this planet.I will admit this is my opinion only(the other planets are important to some).But we need this money to spend on helping wives that have now became single.Some of them have small children.I struggeled as a single parent i know how hard it can be.It is every where we look.Some of them become homeless and have no where to go…………..Ok i will shut up and see what i can do to help.I will start by praying for all of them……….God bless the usa…….


Kindness is free,it does not cost a thing.It is craved from a child that is being abused,it is begged for by a new born baby,Just born and it its mom arms.Kindness saves lives,it gives us hope.Kindness is a verb that can benifit us all in some way.Kindness is a old lady sitting in a chair all cramped up form aches and pains that comes from age,yet she smiles.Kindness is the homeless man that you walk by and yet he offers kindness by stepping aside when we pass by,knowing that on the inside we are judging him,but yet he spares us all he can the stench that comes from not having a bath in weeks.Have you noticed that it is one of the easiest thing to do, show kindness.Yet we struggle and we wonder why things are hard.I feel kindness is the answer to so many things its the answer to our old nasty sins.A man on a cross,came here to die for you and me.When you put it that way a little help from us to show love seems small………….If we had any glimmer of what God actualy went through for us we would wake up each mornning and our first thought would probably be what can i do today,to help someone.We are a bunch of spoiled people.Jesus came here as a man,put up with all the hate and the torture that came with it he came to show us the way (TO SHOW US THE WAY)for me and you.He died on the cross after beating and whipping like a animal.He was laughed at spit at and made fun of.Yet he did not stop it.He continued to hang there to bleed and die for me and you.I know it was what he came here for,yet it does not change the facts! He was denied them also.I want to be kinder i want to remeber the cross always and to know that He loves me and with that i can conquer,overcome and be victoriuos in my life.

David Platt

I have just finished another book by david Platt,he is a great author.I so enjoyed the Radical book.But the one i just finished honestly it about finished me.In a good way.He just lays it all out and tells you how it is.The title is Follow me,a call to die a call to live.I thought i was going to die before i finished it.I mean my flesh……………..Just let me say this i love to read good books about someones journey concerning God because it helps me.I love the bible it has been around forever when other books have come and gone………..So this book talks about how serious it is to say that you are saved and how we should be committed to the church.If the church is Gods bride then you know how important that is.We also know that we the people are the church.If God loves us that much then the least we could do is teach a class do nusery or even mentor someone.The part that got  me the most was,realy a very simple thing my brain had just never went there.If we go  up to the altar because we (want to be saved)and we say a prayer we call it the sinners prayer.Alot of times we walk away like that is it,we said the prayer and all is well.We are going to heaven.For some we know that is true.But if we realy understand that prayer then we have to know that there is much more to it than that.This means we live a life of serving Jesus.Being a deciple and always let Jesus shine in us.No it does not mean we have to be perfect forget that,it means our lives change drasticaly.We have come off as whimps to some.But being a christian empowers us with Gods love and we can go through something that we thought we could never do.Paul was be headed,He loved the Lord and He was a bad man and after God changed him he lived for the Lord. He also showed us that trouble may come,where do you think that Paul got that strength to do this,of course our Lord and saviour.So if you like a challenge and you want your flesh tested read this book.You will love it.


what is important?

I think this world is so backwards from what it should be.I have setteld for it and i have been silenced because all my life i have felt that one person could not make a difference. I have realized that i can state my opinion,so i will.I love people in general.I try to treat one person as the next.I beleive we are all equal we all came from the same place of course God………………………….What i cannot understand is how can we make it ok for a child literaly a child go to a health dept. and get birth control and a parent cannot retrieve that info if they needed to.What is up with that we are here to protect them and yet the goverment protects them to have sex and have what we call protected sex.Wow what about no sex at all until you are married? We better start teaching our children at home this world is well i will go on.I am not for same sex marriages my belief and i have a right to say it.We allow people who (come out of the closet) to be treated as if they are special.But yet there gripe is we just want to be treated normal.Getting your picture on the front of sports illustrated does not mean you are normal it is suppose to mean that you have accomplished something great.If you wanted to be treated normal you should not want your picture on the front of any magazine your just a (normal person).How many noraml people has the president called?………….Please do not hate me this is my right,you have yours you can hate me cuss me whatever you please personaly that is you and yours………………..I am sick and tired of setteling for what i know is dead wrong and i have to face God one day and i have to be accountable for who i have been here.Its late but it is about time for me to speak up……….One more thing, how can we make it ok to buy a pill that would stop you from being pregnant,after you have had sex,also you can buy it without a script.Is that not like putting a gun to someones head.Does this sound radical are you realy cussing me now.GO AHEAD I DO NOT CARE!We give birth control to children we give them a pill to kill and we treat certain people special……….I cannot help but absolutely be inferiated at this.We have became so worldy run.I am ashamed that i have stood by and not spoke up.God frgive me and help me please to keep my voice,


Here we are another year.Has anything changed in you this year?Are you still telling your self the same lies.I will change things this year etc. Well i am,but i must admit some things have changed in my life.God again showed me that i am stronger than i thought.I hold my grandchildren dear.They are such a big part of my life.But God opened up doors so they would have to move twelve hours away from  us.I literaly fell apart.Most people did not see this,nor did they have a clue how my heart was breaking.We all had our thoughts about it.I wondered how big of a mistake this was.I wanted to tell them to stay.I wanted them to and that was good enough. It did not matter if this was a good thing for them or not………..Anyway moving on God wanted them to go and there gone.By His grace they are great.They dont have everything they want or need but they have a great promise of making life better.God showed me i  have no power with out Him.I cannot control anything if so they would still be here struggeling along  and have nothing.How un christian of me to even think such things.I was so selfish.God gave me what i needed peace,Yes peace.They drove away and i have cried,and prayed alot,but i survived it.I still miss them so much and yes i still cry when i hunger to touch and hug them.But i could not stop them from leaving.However i could hold on to God more, i could look to him and pray for peace,which he gave.Really that is all he wants.I get stuck on me over and over……………………………….He wants me, all of me.I think he, as i have heard other people say,he  wants me to be at a place like this because then i am desperate and i run to him like crazy.I beg and plead.But when in my mind  all is well i dont need him.This is true of me i do absolutely put God in a box and take him out when i need him.There i said it,so where do i go from here?How do i change this way of thinking?By the way i live my life maybe,trusting in him for everything.No not at all,that can be done while God is all tucked away i know that,thats how ive gotten away with it for so long……I have to know and to believe that nothing about my life matters,i do not need forty pair of shoes.WHICH I PROBABLY HAVE…….I do not need all those jeans and dresses or fancy furniture.I need to be out there helping and showing people the way,teaching what i know about a better life that is not bought with STUFF.I have sold out to the world,when it comes to stuff……………….I have decided to change some things about my life health wise,and i have really did great.I am proud of myself and i feel aso much better.But this does not fix problems eaither,It has to be in the heart.I can weigh ninety pound wear size three and drive a rolls royce.But in my heart i will not be happy.I am very blessed and i have so much to be thanful for,I have love from family,i have a house nice vehicles and food to eat. I with out a doubt always know when i get my eyes off Jesus.Things change and i start doing my agenda.So as confusing as this may sound to some,it has been profound to me.I am holding on to it.God wants me ALL OF ME. Shouldnt that be enough?

weighed down by shame

I am reading this book.A lady i work for shared it with me.This book really speaks to my heart.It also brought some things back to me that i had tucked away deep inside.I was just pulling this weight around with me for years.Believe it or not it was one statement made to me by  one of my parents.The thing is i truely do not think they meant for me to be hurt by this in any way.But you know it has determined who i have been for a very long time.Even though you see me and on the outside i look ok.I do not look like i feel on the inside.I feel that because this statement was made about me that i could never be worthy of accomplishing anything.I guess that can be a turning point for us if we let it.We just slowly drag this weight and we continue to get weighed dpwn more and more.I really wanted help.I did but i could not tell anyone.You see i was also picked on in school.I was poor and i was not as fortunate as some people.So after getting picked on at school and then hearing this at home.I became convinced that i was worthy of nothing.The truth is i was at a perfect place to call on jesus.Thing is i did not have any one to really explain to me how that worked.I knew you went to the alter and all that.I needed a relationship with jesus. I needed to understand how he loved me and that with him and time i could get a wonderful chance at a much better life. But see i struggeled there to.Would God think the same thing about me to.Was i worthy enough for him..Surely he would not think i was special eaither.Its been years since this all happened.It haunts me today.I say i am not controled by it.But somedays i am right back there.That little girl on the school ground.Standing in front of my parents,and being hurt by just one sentence.If some one says something to me thats off.on the inside the wheels start turning and here i go again…………………..You know the real truth is if someone is going to be ugly,rude or just down right mean to you.It does not define you.You are already validated.God loves you so very much.If my friends use to snicker when they walked into another room,immediately i thought.They are talking about me.I feel that hurt pain in my chest.But the real truth that Satan does not want us to know is.If someone really does that to you.Do not fear They are not hurting you.Like i said you have already been validated by God.You do not need people like that in your life.But pray for them because they are hurting there selves.I feel my friend told me about this book.But God sent me this book.He wants me to be free.Praise God.If you need help like i did and still do at times.Just know people will let you down and even church people will disapoint you sometimes.We can be so self righteous.But the great thing is if you  want Jesus,and he wants you to……


I realize i try to live my life sometimes to be fitting to other people. I also have realized i may act like someone if i am around them for awhile.I find myself wanting to be validated all the time.I hunger for a real life with all things inside me are happy.I have figured out i do not even know the real me.I want to be accepted by all i want to be treated kind and understood by all,yes everyone, its all about me………………….I pray God that i am finaly at a place where i see my faults and i am ready to change in a way that people will see me and know something is different(but its not because i am giggiling with my little best friend)its because for the first time i realize my wrong.I do not want to sin i hate sin.But i am doing it all the time.I am not even living as whom God wants me to.I have not allowed myself to know that with Him in my life I am very validated and i am loved by the definition of love.Past that the rest should be low on my list.I am going to continue on this way.I am going to hold my head up regardless the circumstance(OH HELP ME JESUS)THAT VERY FOUR WORDS SCARE ME TO DEATH.) I do want God to be number one in my life for real.I love Him and i want Him to be with me.This crazy world and all it holds can be so inviting.It pulls us in and we allow it because it feels so good.I am so tired of taking three steps forward and eight backwards.I am tired of wondering for days if someone is mad at me because something did not turn out perfect.I hate it when i think people are not sastified with the work i do.I let it build and brew in my heart and thin guess what God slowly slides down to second place because i am worrying about something that i will never be able to change.He can not be who i need,because i am up front then .Its my feelings my feelings,my feelings.I am so mad at myself for wasting so much of my life this way……….The lies from hell are all around us it is seen everywhere you look tv internet,and on the streets.Its in the whitehouse its in every step up of our daily life.There even in me.I have collected them and tucked them away in my heart.But you know what i repent and i am aware of whats going on with me,that means i can change this………………..

Day to day

Everyday  i get up and i know things may come against me.I know i may be tested,and i may even be laughed at or made fun of.Some people may not even want to be around me.Some may think i am a pain in the rear. I also get up knowing that i am a child of God,I know i am fueled with the Holy Spirit I know i hold the power of Jesus with me at all times.So if i know this then why does everything i wrote in the first lines of this blog own me.I want to be pure and clean in my walk, I want to be all that, on fire Jesus fan. I call myself a very good caring loving and giving person.I really believe i am.but in spite of this how much better could i be if i was not allowing myself to be held back by the lies of satan.I continue to step into this crazy way of thinking. If i know this why can i not fix it right? I know it makes sense but this is the answer.I must not really want it,i must think that my little dum feelings are important.I want to be excepted by everyone i want to be everyones friend.I do not ever want anyone to be mad at me……..So i choose being caught in this web everyday.I do believe i am better than this.The sad thing is i will be fifty six years old next year.Come on people i know you cannot hear this but on the inside i am screaming.How long will i allow this.I want to take a stand and try to change this way of thinking.So tomorrow i am starting the first day of the rest of my life ,First of all i want to get up with a different mind set……….So we will see…God help me………………..

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